if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
