He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
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the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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