If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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