As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
