I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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