Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
