is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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