I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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