if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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