so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
