my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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