am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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