oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
my liver is dry heaving
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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