Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
