So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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