did you get engaged???
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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