You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I need to stop coming to work sober
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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