I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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