someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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