the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
