you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
