rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I love you. Go after that dick
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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