five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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