i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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