At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
