Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
