Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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