there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
