I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
