i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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