I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
