I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
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Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
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Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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