Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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