So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
