I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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