The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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