he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
