I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
