Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
