I could have mohawked her pubes.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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