I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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