I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
