I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Jerry, you need to find god
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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