Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
