Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
