I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
