Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I did not marry a roomba.
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