maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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