someone threw a dead crab at me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
