"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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