I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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