I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
