i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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