I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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