Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
