the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
