You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
