Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Two words: nipple clamps
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