Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
