Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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